Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
