Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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