Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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