I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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