Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
