anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
