Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
