every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
