So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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