shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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