she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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