I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
