You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
