went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
