he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
