Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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