i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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