Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
