I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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