Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
