he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
