the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
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judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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