from now on my penis is your penis
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
