you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
