I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
