What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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