haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
