DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
