i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize