I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
