my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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