Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
