my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
