the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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