your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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