So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
