In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Randomize
