You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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