I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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