What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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