We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
