just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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