Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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