Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
