so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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