I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
