I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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