Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Me too!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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