I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
