I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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