I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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