Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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