Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
