umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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