in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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