so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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