Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
