you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
