so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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