how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
