I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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