I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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