You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
