We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
