my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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