I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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