Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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