i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
