Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
