mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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